Monthly Archives: September 2014

The unbalanced balance

I sometimes watch Kali and wonder, “how in the world is she not falling over?!” She can be the most uncoordinated child but always gets to her destination without falling! I watch her stumble and literally throw her legs in from of her, one by one, while laughing and looking all around (anywhere but her actual target), and most times shes doing something completely different with her hands as well. Its actually quite impressive. I see other people watch her in disbelief and sometimes her sisters try to teach her how to “walk normally”….you know, like, balanced.

The word balance is interesting to me. The description of balance is “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady”, “offset or compare the value of one thing with another” or my favorite description, “keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall”….. interesting….A “steady position”. I would never, according to these descriptors, describe Kali has “balanced”, however, she makes it, every time, without fail.

I’ve been seeing a lot about balance lately. Blogs (clearly not mine :)), pod-casts, talk shows, lots of conversations, magazines, books, you name it, its out there! Could it be that society is feeling a bit “unbalanced” and that’s why this sudden influx and borderline obsessiveness regarding how to balance oneself is happening? Don’t get be wrong, I think most of them are brilliant. A good friend of mine is a part of a popular podcast called “The Balance” and does a really good job with it. I just wonder if our idea of balance is wrong? In society, if everything in your life is running like a fine oiled machine, you are probably described as a very balanced individual. If a certain level of chaos surrounds you, I guarantee, most people don’t describe you as, balanced. If you tend to work more than the average bear, or more than what that individual person believes is correct, you’re unbalanced. If you work and have children, some people say that’s unbalanced. If you dedicate one part of your life to one thing more than another, that could be deemed as unbalanced. In the end, its a bunch of crap. Here’s the bottom line, are you happy? is your family happy? Is your husband or wife happy?

I get caught up in the judgments of society like any of us do. I rush around and probably work too much from time to time, I loose it on my kids here and there and yes, I yell.(Gasp) I have arguments with my husband and friends from time to time, I want to quit my job every so often, cause honestly, dealing with people can be hard (but I do love it). I beat myself up if all of my kids aren’t doing an extra curricular activity and I’m not playing taxi like all the other moms out there (clearly I’m being sarcastic here, I play taxi), I have to watch everything that goes into my childrens mouths and my families mouth cause most of the food out there is awful, so going out to fast food once in a while is deemed irresponsible and I’m am clearly unbalanced cause I didn’t plan ahead. (insert rolling of the eyes). I use to have my kids in daycare while I worked but that is unbalanced because “children shouldn’t be raised in daycare”. I too, have meltdowns. Moving on…. I could go on and on but, I think we all get the point here. Its all garbage. While there are some truths in it, that doesn’t make us unbalanced.

My balance can look different from yours. That doesn’t make it unbalanced. Sometimes, balance looks a lot like Kali. Super “unbalanced” but somehow, it works! Its balanced for her. Life is unstable and wobbly. Most often we miss steps and loose our footing…That’s ok! Process is everything . The way I see it, our individual process is the foundation of what our life will look like balanced or unbalanced. The way we handle the process determines so much. There isn’t a recipe or final way we all need to follow in order to achieve this, its a constant pursuit of the greater things. Whether your journey looks like you are about to fall with every step, your hands don’t match your feet and your laughing with every step or you’re a bit more serious and methodical in your balance process, both are equally as unbalanced and balanced, there is no concrete way we get through life, there is no “balance” recipe. There is only one day at a time, one step at a time, the grace to fall and pick yourself up again, the encouragement to keep moving forward and not to compare, the love of the process and the joy in the journey.

We all need to be “Special Needs”….

Its been a while since I’ve posted anything. No reason really, just sometimes you don’t feel like writing. There has been a lot of shifting and changes that have happened in the last year. A lot of “stuff” going on. Stepping outside the whirlwind and looking at everything from the outside in can be helpful in order to gain perspective. I’ve had many conversations over the last few months about whats happening in Syria, Israel, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan,China, America, Japan, Canada, Mexico and so on. The one common thing I have taken away from every conversation is, when did we stop treating people like human beings? When was the decision made to “love” people from a distance? I’m guilty of this too. Not pointing fingers here, but if this does stir something inside of you maybe you should look at that….? I wonder what it would look like if we just loved on people with no agenda attached? None.

I watch my daughter get on the little short bus every morning for school. She has no agenda for the day but to just be in the moment. Every step she takes is another opportunity to see the beauty around her. She loves fiercely and without a second thought. She watches people intently and tries to communicate with them on their level, even if she doesn’t understand how exactly. She sings off the top of her lungs anywhere and everywhere we go. No, really, everywhere. She dances any time she pleases and doesn’t give a crap whose looking. When someone is sick, she is first in line to pray for them and is always asking about them until they are well again. When someone is hurt or in trouble, she cries with them or for them. If your heart broken, so is she. The interesting part about her is, we call her “special needs.”

Its funny that we call her a special needs child. She has taught me so much about how to treat people, how to slow down and how every person deserves a hug from time to time.  Now, there are bad guys in her world and this is reality, but she slows down enough to accurately see who is who. Kids do this. Kids have this way of loving with no agenda and seeing right through the crap. We get a hold of them and mess it all up.

I would encourage you, myself included, to slow down, take a deep breath and ground yourself in the moment. Whatever that may look like….at work, at a desk, in your car, at the DMV, at the park, at the grocery store, with your baby, with a sick relative, at Starbucks, wherever you are, just be ever present and watch how easy it is to connect with people around you when your agenda is checked at the door.