Tag Archives: crap

I have no clue what i’m doing….

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So, I had to teach my almost 12-year-old how to shave her legs last night. Now, this would see to be exciting for most moms. Their little girl is growing up, making changes and so on. But my situation is different. My daughter is 95 lbs and I’m still bathing her, dressing her, helping her brushing her teeth and comb her hair….you get the point. Kali is special needs. She has made some of  the most remarkable changes in the last few years. I am overjoyed, everyday at a new accomplishment she has made. God showed me her healed and whole and that’s all I have left to hold on to.

Let me let you in on a little secret…..I have no idea what I’m doing. Little things pop into my mind, “What if I can never go on vacation with just my husband?!”, “What if something happened to us, who will take care of her?!”, “She’s off today, did someone hurt her at school?!”, on and on and on…This is real. I can’t remember the last time I had a night away with my husband, let alone an actual vacation! Shes easier to look after now than an adult version! So my need for rest and a break, leak. It leaks into every crevice of my home and life. I find myself exhausted at the simplest of days, short-tempered at the littlest things and unable to give anything else. I feel things unravel rather quickly when I get this way. I panic. People say things like, “You can do it, God knew you could”, “He wouldn’t have given you this if He didn’t know you could handle it!”. Are these comments suppose to be helpful?  If you have a friend going through anything, don’t say these things to them. They aren’t helpful. You know what is helpful? Hug them, cry with them, pray with them, laugh with them, just check in on them, offer to give them a break, pick up the kids, run some errands, pour them a drink…. those things are helpful.

So I find myself at a cross-road, I can spiral deeper or suck it up buttercup. Lets be honest here, I have like a small window to panic, cry and then I have to pick myself up and move forward. I don’t have the grace to just check out. it doesn’t work that way. I find my center. I read, I clean, I take a walk, workout, cook…whatever. I do something to remind myself of the air I’m breathing, the ground beneath me, the sounds that I hear and the fact that I’m okay. Maybe I paint or write a song. Whatever it is, I find my way back to the present. I reel in the thought process that can get out of hand. Take it one day at a time, take a deep breath and move forward. This is an ever evolving process. I can be good one min and then something can take me for a ride into the “what ifs”. It’s a fight at times and other times I laugh that I even let myself be swept away. But this is real. This is the battle that we have has moms or parents. Weather you have a child with special needs or you’re in the terrible two’s, the preteen, the teenager years, or whatever. We go through things, we believe we have no clue what we are doing, we would love some paid vacation leave. Find your center, find what aligns you, give yourself grace, grace and more grace, love yourself more, think happy thoughts, laugh at everything and nothing, cry when you need to, morn the perfect life you had painted in your head and celebrate the imperfect perfect life you have, play with your kids, imagine, dream and dream some more. Ground yourself in the present moment, remember to love life and when life beats you up a little, take a deep breath and find your center again. Most importantly, remind others to do the same. We forget sometimes…

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I’m going to warn you, you’re not going to like what I have to say about this…

Fact, there are 150.6 million people in the US claiming to be Christians. This is both hilarious to me and funny as hell. Not funny in a good way. I am disgusted at the behavior I have seen on Facebook and the internet, through our streets, in our families, at our churches and our schools…There is so much hate and bashing that I’m completely baffled. What happened to honor, love, kindness, gentleness, GRACE!!! What happened to faith that God has all things under control!? And what the hell happened to prayer and the power that holds!??

I have seen and heard postings wishing the president nothing but bad, hoping the obamacare system fails, bashing and bashing and more bashing. Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results and you want to go back to how things were?! This may not be the answer but the way the system was, isn’t the answer either. Here’s the problem, we are too busy fighting with each other that we forgot how to fight. Aw the success of the enemy…Let’s get both sides fighting for justice and we will distort things so much that they can’t even see what they are doing!!! (Insert evil laugh). What a bunch of crap and we are falling in line all “fighting for justice”, disgusting. How is bashing the president, spewing hate all over any different than the Westboro churches, picketers at the abortion clinics, the guy on the corner condemning everyone to hell or the church saying we are all sinners still! Oh, wait, did I strike a nerve? No, news flash, we are NOT all sinners still. We are saints, saved by grace, forgiven and redeemed, sons and daughters of the King. Start acting like it!

Are there a lot of bad things happening? Yep. So open your mouth, pray, love, do the opposite of all the crap you see! Holy cow people, we are in a spiritual war against principalities and things unseen, NOT against flesh and blood! When are we going to realize that all this talk only fuels things in the spirit realm and it’s not our side our hate is fueling? Even Jesus got upset and turned over the tables in the temple. It’s called righteous anger. However what he did afterwards is the lesson. We get stuck in the drama. Typical. It’s the cleansing of the temple, the crap being driven out. Let me ask you something, if you were there when this happened, and the way you are currently operating, would you be driven out too? Mathew 21:12-17 will help you with that question. :).

We have been given authority to speak to the mountain and it will move! SO SPEAK! Open your mouths and pour out your prayers, pray with authority and stop your begging! Last time I checked, royalty doesn’t beg. We are ALL royalty. ALL! Yep, that word all includes the president. Some just don’t know it yet. Sometimes the hardest people to love is your family. If you looked at your child and spewed the hatred towards them that you are towards our country, what would happen? We want change but all we do is curse.  Eph 4:26-32 MSG (26-32) “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.  Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can’t work. Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.  Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, and profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”

What if all 150.6 million people in the US that claim to be Christians actually acted like it, prayed like it, responded like it, what an amazing world we could live in…