Tag Archives: excellence

I have no clue what i’m doing….

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So, I had to teach my almost 12-year-old how to shave her legs last night. Now, this would see to be exciting for most moms. Their little girl is growing up, making changes and so on. But my situation is different. My daughter is 95 lbs and I’m still bathing her, dressing her, helping her brushing her teeth and comb her hair….you get the point. Kali is special needs. She has made some of  the most remarkable changes in the last few years. I am overjoyed, everyday at a new accomplishment she has made. God showed me her healed and whole and that’s all I have left to hold on to.

Let me let you in on a little secret…..I have no idea what I’m doing. Little things pop into my mind, “What if I can never go on vacation with just my husband?!”, “What if something happened to us, who will take care of her?!”, “She’s off today, did someone hurt her at school?!”, on and on and on…This is real. I can’t remember the last time I had a night away with my husband, let alone an actual vacation! Shes easier to look after now than an adult version! So my need for rest and a break, leak. It leaks into every crevice of my home and life. I find myself exhausted at the simplest of days, short-tempered at the littlest things and unable to give anything else. I feel things unravel rather quickly when I get this way. I panic. People say things like, “You can do it, God knew you could”, “He wouldn’t have given you this if He didn’t know you could handle it!”. Are these comments suppose to be helpful?  If you have a friend going through anything, don’t say these things to them. They aren’t helpful. You know what is helpful? Hug them, cry with them, pray with them, laugh with them, just check in on them, offer to give them a break, pick up the kids, run some errands, pour them a drink…. those things are helpful.

So I find myself at a cross-road, I can spiral deeper or suck it up buttercup. Lets be honest here, I have like a small window to panic, cry and then I have to pick myself up and move forward. I don’t have the grace to just check out. it doesn’t work that way. I find my center. I read, I clean, I take a walk, workout, cook…whatever. I do something to remind myself of the air I’m breathing, the ground beneath me, the sounds that I hear and the fact that I’m okay. Maybe I paint or write a song. Whatever it is, I find my way back to the present. I reel in the thought process that can get out of hand. Take it one day at a time, take a deep breath and move forward. This is an ever evolving process. I can be good one min and then something can take me for a ride into the “what ifs”. It’s a fight at times and other times I laugh that I even let myself be swept away. But this is real. This is the battle that we have has moms or parents. Weather you have a child with special needs or you’re in the terrible two’s, the preteen, the teenager years, or whatever. We go through things, we believe we have no clue what we are doing, we would love some paid vacation leave. Find your center, find what aligns you, give yourself grace, grace and more grace, love yourself more, think happy thoughts, laugh at everything and nothing, cry when you need to, morn the perfect life you had painted in your head and celebrate the imperfect perfect life you have, play with your kids, imagine, dream and dream some more. Ground yourself in the present moment, remember to love life and when life beats you up a little, take a deep breath and find your center again. Most importantly, remind others to do the same. We forget sometimes…

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Mastering the art of LEARNING to be a superhero….

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OK, anyone that knows me, knows good and well that this is something I have not mastered. I actually wouldn’t even say I was all that good at it. I can say that I’m much better then I was, and I’m OK with saying that. This is a very hard thing to master. Especially for women. We have what I call, “Superhero syndrome”. We like to take on everything! Most of the time its not even ours to take on. In this day in age I’ve seen this take off even more. With Pinterest and Facebook and Instagram, we feel the need to keep up.

You know, keep up with the mom that’s working full time, raising all her kids perfectly, lives in a perfect home with her house spotless, makes every meal from scratch and probably sows her and her children’s owns cloths. You know this woman! We all know at least one! We also know that woman that grows all her own food, makes everything from scratch and churns her own butter, home schools all of her children and they are well adapted, gives freely to everyone and donates her time at church, women’s group, children’s group, small group, homeless outreach, etc..and both examples are always well put together ….These examples are what I call superheros. Those women that set the bar so high it seems unreachable. Why do we compare ourselves?! I, for a long time tried to be woman number 1, and then woman 2 for a period. I remember working insane hours, starting at 5am and ending at 6pm. making dinner, doing homework, cleaning my house (spotless), doing the laundry, making the lunches, making homemade bread, prepping dinner for the next night and then putting my kids to bed. After they were down I would get back on my computer at 8ish and work til 12am or 1am…… INSANE!!! I was literally killing myself. I remember having a gathering at my house at one of the men came out of the bathroom and said, “Wow, your house is always so clean! You could eat off the toilets!” I felt so accomplished. A short time after that my life completely changed. My career went away when the market took a turn. I was no longer a “successful woman and mom” in my eyes. I had a false sense of what a superhero was. After a tough process of learning to let go of control and the effed up idea that a super woman has to be perfect at everything, I had a good heart to heart with myself.  What if a superhero is something so much simpler? What if its simply loving my children 100% without any distractions, or sitting and listening to my husband be goofy and laughing at all his jokes. What if its taking the time to have coffee with a friend that needs some human contact because shes isolated herself because she doesn’t think she is a “superhero”? What if its being a good sister, daughter, friend, wife, mom….A loving person?  What if its letting the house be a little dirty, leaving work on time and not working overtime, saying “no”, ordering take out and remembering your not perfect?

We need to give ourselves some grace. This is the art of LEARNING to be a superhero. Its a process, a journey and seldom do we master it. Our jobs aren’t to be perfect but instead, to be excellent.  Excellent at loving, excellent at laughing, excellent and letting go of control, excellent and not being perfect and excellent and mastering the learning process. We need to be one another cheerleaders and give a warm hug, or pat on the back to one another. Then we will realize that everyone is a superhero and master the process of seeing the superhero in the unassuming ways.